At times I feel that my communication with Julie is too funny not to be published. It's good for the soul to have a funny friend. Get one. Then use their lines in an unrelated social circle to boost your own image.

Me: I have a rescued bird with me today at work. His name is Luther and I am feeding him wet dog food with a pencil eraser.

Julie: He'll die. Shouldn't have named him. Probably a girl anyway.

Me: Actually, he's going to the Wildlife Refuge at Oak Mountain today at my
lunch break. They've told me how to care for him. And once he gets old
enough and learns to fly, he'll come find me, and we'll live together
forever in my bedroom.

Julie: She won't come back. Everyone knows birds hate erasers and if they liked
dog food they would have called it "dog food & bird food also." Why
would you want to clip her wings by confining her to your room? You
don't really love her.

Me: He will come live with me voluntarily and clip his own wings, so he'll
never be in danger of leaving me when we have an argument.

Julie: Can you afford the erasers? Think about it.